im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
