so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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