We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
