this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
