he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
