We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
