These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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