i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
