I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
