Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
