I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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