Rock
Scissors
Fuck
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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