i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
