Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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