That's when you crack a 10am beer
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
