She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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