i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
