her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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