his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
