Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
