is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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