a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
