I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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