It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The chlamydia really affected his face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
