I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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