two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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