Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize