Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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