well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
