I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
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