i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
