her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
