I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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