i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
