my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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