I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
