well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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