Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
