What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
