There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
