One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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