listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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