my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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