Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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