You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
