All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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