I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
