In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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