We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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