we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
