If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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