just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.