I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.