So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.