i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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