worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
