we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
