I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
