i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
