You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
