chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
