I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
