I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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