My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
