Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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