Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
foreskin is a definite game changer
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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