stop calling my apartment porn island.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
