fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
