i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
