Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
