omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
