my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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