I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
