I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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