i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
