We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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