can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
