He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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