I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
