so explain again why im purple
no
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
