i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he shaved USA in his pubs
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I want is dick and wine.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
