Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
